Pursuing Practical Parenting Priorities in Proverbs
Proverbs 20-22
Parenting is a unique calling upon our lives because it can take so many different forms and they can all be correct. There is no 100% correct way to parent. For those who have multiple children you know this is true. You have to parent your children differently because they are unique and very different from each other. What works well when it comes to parenting one, might be the exact opposite of what needs to be done when parenting your other children. Even though there are different parenting styles and methods there are still some priorities we must make in our parenting in order to be obedient to God’s call to all of us as parents. This morning as we continue our look in the book of Proverbs, I want us to look at some priorities we are told must be made in our parenting no matter the style.
#1. Our priority must be to lead our children.
Proverbs 20:7 The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.
Our first priority must be our own personal relationship with Jesus Christ, because how can we ever lead our children biblically without having gone there first? It would be like hiring a tour guide who has never been to the destination to show us everything there is to see - it doesn’t work. In order to lead, we must experience a relationship with Jesus first before we can lead our children there. How do we know this? Just look at the first part of this Proverb. The word translated “godly” here can just as easily be translated as “righteous” and is in many translations. In Romans 3:10 Paul quotes the Psalms as he states, “There are none that are righteous no not one”, and we are told in Isaiah 64:6 that, “our righteousness is like filthy rags”. It’s not our righteousness that is being talked about here, but rather the righteousness that only comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:21 tells us that Jesus became sin, even though he never sinned, so that we might become the righteousness of God. So, our first priority must be to surrender our lives and make Jesus the Lord of our lives. That is the first step in being able to parent biblically - being found righteous in the sight of God through the blood of Jesus Christ.
Not only does it require us to have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ, but we are also called to walk with integrity. To walk with integrity means to live in obedience, to live innocently, and to live pursuing righteousness. Not only must we have a saving relationship with Jesus, but we must pursue obedience to God's word as well. This obedience should not only be demonstrated in public but must be lived out in private as well. Proverbs 15:9 tells us that God loves those who pursue righteousness. So, when we pursue righteousness in all our actions, attitudes, and words not only does it please God, but it sets a standard for the little eyes that are watching our every move. Just like the Proverb says, our children will be blessed because of our relationship and commitment to Jesus Christ and His commandments, and they will follow our example.
Once we set our foundational priority, what else should be prioritized?
#2. Our second priority must be to train our children.
Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
Our next priority in parenting after we make sure our relationship with Jesus is settled and we are growing in that relationship, is to start teaching our children God’s word and His gospel. 2 Timothy 3:16 tells us that scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. We train our children how to live out our Christian faith in every situation by using God’s word as the guide. Training doesn’t happen by accident, and it doesn’t happen by just letting them read or attend a service or Sunday school for an hour a week. It’s something we have to make time for each and every day. When a company trains new employees they invest a ton of resources (time, money, personnel, etc.) into making sure that the new employee knows how they are supposed to act when it comes to the new position. It should be the same way with parents. We have to intentionally invest in our children to make sure we are training them in God’s word. We have to make sure it’s more than just what they receive at church. It’s what we live out in front of them, it’s what we speak to them, and it’s what we show them from scripture consistently each and every day. If we don’t consistently live out what we are teaching, our children will quickly see that there is no real power in the scripture we are teaching and proclaiming.
Another part of training that I think gets overlooked is the fact that in order to train your children you must know your children. In the 1990’s the average parent spent 15 meaningful minutes with their children each week. By the 2000’s the number had dropped to under 10 minutes and in the 2010’s we see the number to be around 5 minutes. It’s no stretch of the imagination that today’s number is even less than that. We must spend more time with our children not only to make sure they are being trained properly in God’s word, but we need to know them, know their talents, know their passions, and know how they are wired. Not only will this help the parent/child relationship, but it helps us as parents train and direct our children to carry out the great commandment properly. We can show them exactly how to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.
This is probably a good time to be reminded that Proverbs are NOT promises, but best practices. We can do everything God asks us to do when it comes to parenting our children, but it’s still our child’s decision whether or not to have a relationship with Jesus. We cannot force them to follow Jesus, even if we have instructed and trained them according to God’s word, especially when they are older. But this reality does not excuse us from making these things a priority in the few years we have to influence them.
#3. Our third priority must be disciplining our children.
Proverbs 3:11-12 My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. 12 For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.
We see here correction must be a priority in our parenting, and this truth is even quoted again by the writer of Hebrews, that love and discipline go hand in hand. We live in a world that makes it seem like giving your kids anything they want whenever they want it is love. Scripture tells us that it’s rather correcting behavior instead of rewarding or ignoring the behavior with rewards and gifts. Our greatest model for what discipline should be comes from God. When we discipline, we must discipline the way God disciplines His children.
Discipline for sin, not for accidents.
When God disciplines us it’s to gently bring us from rebellion back into obedience for our sake. The same thing needs to happen when we discipline. We all make mistakes, some are just accidents and can be frustrating, but God is patient with us. Because we received that patience so freely, we need to freely give it - especially when it comes to children. When there is a time of intentional rebellion or sinful behavior we must address it, correct it, and bring them back onto the correct path.
Discipline in love, never in anger.
We spoke last week about speaking life or death and noted that one of the ways that we speak death is hastily speaking words out of anger. The same goes for discipline. God’s motive for disciplining His children should be the same motive we have and that’s to make our children more and more like Jesus. Sometimes this is a tall order, but we must remove ourselves from a situation, pray, and seek God’s guidance when we are tempted to discipline in anger. Discipline out of anger is not discipline - it’s manipulation through emotions and fear. God would never do this to us, and we should never do this to our children as well.
Discipline always brings them back to Jesus.
The most important thing about discipline is that it points the recipient back to Jesus. Whether it is God disciplining His children as part of the sanctification process or us lovingly correcting our children, we must always point them back to Jesus and understand the importance of obedience when it comes to our walk with Him. This is what life is all about anyways. It’s not about the job they will get, it’s not about the education they will get, and it’s not about the family they will have in the future, but rather it’s about their relationship with Jesus Christ and the impact of that relationship on our eternal destiny.
I think there’s a very good reason that the Psalms equate children and parenting to arrows in the hands of a mighty warrior. The warrior has to apply the wisdom to shoot the arrow straight and hit their target, much like parenting. When wisdom is not applied and we don't do it God’s way, great harm can come as well.
